Elfira Yolanda S

There is no sunny Bali these days.
The sky keeps inviting the rain and the wind comes, too.

Tonight coming home late,
the head inside my raincoat was remembering.
Was it like this last year?

It seems like the rainy days stay longer
and in the morning, the sleepy soul gets harder to drag to the bathroom.

Ha.
It feels good to call out the past and catch the differences.
At least some things are out of the circle.

–

Nothingness.

Because I think it would be relaxing.
But the thing is that it is also a sound I have never heard before but I hope to hear. Someday.
But just not so soon.
Because I think it’s quite scary, too.

Yeah, I’m thinking about death.

Maybe I should revise my answer.
My favourite sound is almost nothingness, just give a bit of place to tickle my ears.

Hm.

—

This guy said that passion is not enough. So with the big help from this site, I promise my self to write more in 2011.

Hm.

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I am not a tea lover. I am not a tea hater. My relationship with tea has always been consumer-product without any special feeling.

When I drink tea, that means I might be at home because it is a custom in my family to serve tea in the morning. I love the tradition, not the beverage.

I can mention 2 favourite brands of tea that would be my first choice at the convenience store if I ever need some coolness running down my throat (it’s Bali!). I think the third brand is nowhere to find nowadays.

But today I took one cup because something snapped at me. I unintentionally set my eyes to the property of a friend at the office and when he kindly offered the little package that I had never seen before, I immediately accepted it. Judging from the writing on it, it was a Chinese tea.

I ran into the office pantry and made it and drank it. All that time, there was nothing in my mind but the tea. I put all my attention to the tea. I did it to leave me unattached temporarily with things I didn’t want to face. Simple words, I did it so I could run away for a moment. I think. People do that, don’t they?

–

To pay or not to pay that is the question
It refused to stay, as it all turned gray
Oh, William Shakespeare’s receding hair

Please excuse the pun
It’s hair today, gone tomorrow
So be thankful for what precious locks you have

To pay or not to pay that is the question
And by the way I just gotta say
Thank the Lord, I’m not going bald

And if I may quip
My curls and I are just like heaven
‘Cause rest assured, there’ll be no parting there

But should my head get bare
Like Friar Tuck or heart chased a swallow
It makes me smile ’cause I know just what I’d do

Yeah, if I had more wigs than I knew what to do with
I’d open a second hand store
And if you ever went bald, you’d recall it
‘Cause I’d cleverly call it, ‘Rugs From Me To You’

Oh, I love this song by Owl City! The lyric is hilarious. I don’t know what got him into writing such a lyric, but it makes me laugh! It’s a cheerful song, too.

I think it’s not only Adam Young, I too like to think of the what if, lots and lots of it. What if I don’t get.. What If I can’t.. What if I won’t ever.. But this song has taught me to lessen the fear and the worry. Look how he quickly develops from questioning the probability of going bald and then conforming himself that he will never lose his hair to the decision of what he’s gonna do if his head should get bare someday.

This song with its taking a problem easily, it soothes me. It makes me at ease. Sure, several things should be taken seriously. But I’m a “feeling person” and I feel something intensely. It helps me to let go of things and just laugh at sh*ts because you know, sh*t happens and laughing at it would make it no big deal.

And as Rick Warren said:

If you learn to laugh at yourself, you will never run out of funny material.

Why so serious? :D

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Thanks to the Ubud Writers & Readers Festival, now I know there is such a type of writing called flash fiction.

What’s fun about creating a flash fiction is that I don’t have to think big for the plot. Well, finding the idea is still the most difficult part but to have it for a much shorter writing does help, at least for me.

There are so many awesome entries that I’ve found. I’d like to recommend her 3.13 and his 3.13. They are a pair of equally lovely posts! I voted for several more but those two impressed me most.

Anyway, reading those fiction makes me realize what kind of writer I want to be. I’ve been thinking about that and now I can put some answer to that question.

Most (mm.. I don’t know, maybe 60%-ish) fictions that I admire fall into dark fiction. Well, not dark. I just haven’t found the right word. It contains certain portion of revenge, murders, suicide, betrayal, anger, unfaithfulness, and so on. I found myself voted fictions like that because honestly those were cool, those are cool. I still think so.

It’s not that I object to them. I don’t have any objections. It’s truly great because it’s real. Those things happened in real life. It’s just that for me, if I am about to give impression to my readers (still a long long way to go but someday, someday, amen! :), I want it to be heart-warming. I think that’s my goal.

Back to Ubud’s festival, I submitted 2 entries. I’m going to archive it here.

My flash fiction entries

I thought I knew.
Apparently I don’t.

Feel like I’m not capable of loving.
So, how?

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Following quote is from C S Lewis’ Screwtape Letters. This is his 3rd letter (well, based on the letter appearance in the book) and I’d like to quote parts of it. Screwtape is a devil and his letters are his advice to Wormwood, his nephew on making human do bad things.

I am very pleased by what you tell me about this man’s relations with his mother. … Keep in close touch with our colleague Glubose who is in charge of the mother, and build up between you in that house a good settled habit of mutual annoyance; daily pinpricks. The following methods are useful:

1. Keep his mind on the inner life. He thinks his conversion is something inside him and his attention is therefore chiefly turned at present to the states of his own mind–or rather to that very expurgated version of them which is all you should allow him to see. Encourage this. …

2. It is, no doubt, impossible to prevent his praying for his mother, but we have means of rendering the prayers innocuous. Make sure that they are always very ‘spiritual’, that he is always concerned with the state of her soul and never with her rheumatism. …

3. When two humans have lived together for many years, it usually happens that each has tones of voice and expressions of face which are almost unendurably irritating to the other. Work on that. …

4. In civilized life domestic, hatred usually expresses itself by saying things which would appear quite harmless on paper (the words are not offensive) but in such a voice, or at such moment, that they are not far short of a blow in the face. To keep this game up, you and Glubose must see to it that each of these two fools has a sort of double standards.

…

I am stunned because it is true. I haven’t just done to my mother, to my other dearest ones, too. I think, to some of the closest ones I set my tolerance lower than to others. I expect more from them. I am more easily annoyed and I know exactly how to annoy them and yes, I will do it on purpose to get revenge (just like the point number 3 and 4 above). The regrets will also hurt me more.

I know it’s another exhibit that I will not be able to love without His help. I am writing this because I have done something wrong today and it makes me feel bad and desperate. Though I know that people are selfish and slow learners and faithful is one of His unexplainable character, it is still not easy dealing with guilt.

Confessing like this is actually helpful for me. Somehow it makes me feel better. And if any of you reading this and maybe you have experiences like this, well, you’re not alone. If you don’t, lucky you! If you are one of my dearest that I have hurt you in a way or two (well, or anybody for that matter!), I’m sorry. Please know that it’s difficult to love sincerely and I’m still working on this.

I think I will always be working on this. But it doesn’t matter, you know. Because the process is a chance to get to know Him better, to depend on Him more, just like the way He wants it or so I read in many books or so I’ve been told by people (hmm, do You really want that? for me to surrender all to You? ;)

Thank You for not giving up on me. :D

–

I got an award from the exotic Rika Aldrin. It’s called You’re Going Places, Baby!
The rules: describe where you think you’ll be in 10 years and then pass it along to other bloggers.

Ten years from now, I think I’ll be living in one of metropolitan city in the world. I read in the wikipedia that the city has been a polyglot home of numerous international organisations, politicians, diplomats and civil servants. It has buildings with old architecture style as well as modern one. My favorite monument is there, the Atomium. The city is the capital city of Hercule Poirot’s origin. Well, I don’t know where I’ll be in 2020 but I do hope I will be in:

BRUSSELS

Anyway, at first I felt weird when they called this thing an award (by this thing, I mean that blog post tagging about certain topic). I thought award was supposed to be the prize to a winner, a reward, something like that. So I asked a question about this in stackexchange . Somebody mentioned the etymological origin of the word that in my opinion could apply to this case: something awarded (with award as a verb that means to decide after careful examination and observation).

OK, that’s You’re Going Places from me. Now I’d like to pass the award to Ochie and anyone who’s willing to share. Where do you think you will be in 2020?

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When I was in the supermarket today, I was about to take my shopping basket to the checkout when suddenly they played the Owl City’s Vanilla Twilight. So I decided to stayed a bit longer, just to hear the whole song.

So, I ask myself what my other ‘Vanilla Twilight’ songs, songs that will make me stop and listen. It’s not my most fave of all time, but here are 3 of them :

Vanilla Twilight
Owl City

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

‘Cause I’ll doze off safe and soundly
But I’ll miss your arms around me
I’d send a postcard to you, dear
‘Cause I wish you were here

I’ll watch the night turn light-blue
But it’s not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn’t so bad
‘Til I look at my hands and feel sad
‘Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I’ll find repose in new ways
Though I haven’t slept in two days
‘Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I’ll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don’t feel so alone

I don’t feel so alone, I don’t feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I’ll think of you tonight
I’ll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I’ll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I’ll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won’t forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I’d whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

***

Warning Sign
Coldplay

A warning sign,
I missed the good part then I realized,
I started looking and the bubble burst.
I started looking for excuses.

Come on in,
I’ve gotta tell you what a state I’m in,
I’ve gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.

A warning sign,
You came back to haunt me and I realized
you were an island and I passed you by,
You were an island to discover.

Come on in,
I’ve gotta tell you what state I’m in,
I’ve gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.

And I’m tired,
I should not have let you go.

So I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms.
And I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms…

***

Anyone Else But You
The Moldy Peaches

You’re a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you’re back is the latest trend
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body’s swinging from side to side
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can’t, you forgive me?
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I will find my nitch in your car
With my mp3 DVD rumple-packed guitar
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du

Up up down down left right left right B A start
Just because we use cheats doesn’t mean we’re not smart
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

You are always trying to keep it real
I’m in love with how you feel
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage
You want more fans, I want more stage
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Don Quixote was a steel driving man
My name is Adam I’m your biggest fan
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Squinched up your face and did a dance
You shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants
I don’t see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du
But you

*
*
*

I don’t see what anyone can see in anyone else..
but you

–

You give pronoun a bad name.

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