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The Ache

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When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered

Regardless the kind and the source, pain is unavoidable. Happiness 24/7 in this earth is almost a myth.

Sometimes I can run away.

I can play my games. I can read my books. I can go out there and have fun with friends. I can always enjoy chats with those who are dear to me. I can enjoy my moments of solitude.

But pain surely has a strong grasp.

I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.

and so comes the fight.

I will start bothering my friends. I will blame anybody or anything I can blame. My mind will curse. I will complain and ask them the questions.

Why does this happen to me? . Why are they so lucky? . Why can’t I have what they have? . What’s good in me? .

Words of comfort are what I’m looking for. I crave for the pats and the encouragements over and over again. It’s an addict. It will never be enough.

Tired. I usually cry. Then I shut down.

After few days, I will get back on track. I’ll live my life normally until the next crash comes.

I hate the circle.

Every repetition adds another portion of pain because the unresolved hurt hasn’t lost its ability to do its job which is hurting me, my feeling. It even brings more questions.

Why does this always happen to me? . When will I get out of this? . Would that really be a light at the end of the tunnel? . Why? .

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.

So, when I read that human are slow learner on this one, I read that as

there’s hope.

Written by Elfira Y S

March 27th, 2010 at 11:23 pm

Posted in my day to day

2 Responses to 'The Ache'

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    1. Happines different from Rejoice.

    Happines: “kita bahagia karena punya mobil” “kita bahagia karena naik kelas”

    Rejoice: “kita mampu bersukacita karena memiliki damai sejahtera Allah yang melampaui akal manusia.” Contoh (bukan bermaksud sombong :P ), setelah operasi kanker otak, saya sukacita dan tertawa. Sementara ortu dan keluarga sudah sedih habis2an karena tahu vonis dokter. Tapi karena saya selalu tertawa dan beriman penuh, mereka justru bangkit karena melihat saya. Dan memang benar, vonis dokter tak terbukti :P

    Damai sejahteraNya: – melampaui masalah kita – melampaui segala kesedihan, emosi, dan marah kita – Melampaui genggaman kuat si sakit itu – bahkan menyembuhkan kita :D

    Though, “cured” is different from “healed”. You could read it here: http://www.upperroom.org/devotional/default.asp?x=104&y=6&month=3&day=17&year=2010

    1. Untuk selebihnya, saran saya cuma satu: “Hidup tidak perlu banyak mikir!” :D

    Bisa dibaca selengkapnya di sini: http://azrl.wordpress.com/2010/01/16/hidup-tanpa-mikir/

    “…anda mau hidup serius atau santai sebenarnya sama saja. Anda mau curigaan atau percayaan, sama saja. Anda mau tegang atau banyak tertawa, sama saja. Anda mau waspada tidak ditipu atau rileks siap ditipu, sama saja. Sama-sama akan dipelihara Tuhan.

    Bedanya cuma waktu reunian: ada yang berwajah serius sangat dewasa dan ada yang berwajah segar seperti anak-anak…”


    30 Mar 10 at 10:41 am

  1. I have to say ‘wow’, Mikha. Yours is such a long comment. :D

    I have been always amazed by human’s perspectives. Like when your eyes and mind stopped at the word happiness while I was not thinking twice when I wrote it down because my focus was something else.

    I think it will never fail to add the flavor. I think it’s delightful. Thank you for sharing.

    About happiness and rejoice, one is a noun and the other is a verb. :P I do like this phrase I found here: to rejoice in another’s happiness. That’s hard. tee hee..

    Elfira Y S

    31 Mar 10 at 6:50 am

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