Elfira Yolanda S

I just woke up.

I was d r e a m i n g in my sleep.

I set the Coldplay playlist before sleeping.
The band’s playing Warning Sign.

I’ve gotta tell you what state I’m in,
I’ve gotta tell you in my loudest tones

And the truth is..

87,

When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered

Regardless the kind and the source, pain is unavoidable.
Happiness 24/7 in this earth is almost a myth.

Sometimes I can run away.

I can play my games. I can read my books. I can go out there and have fun with friends. I can always enjoy chats with those who are dear to me. I can enjoy my moments of solitude.

But pain surely has a strong grasp.

–

I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

and so comes the fight.

I will start bothering my friends.
I will blame anybody or anything I can blame.
My mind will curse.
I will complain and ask them the questions.

Why does this happen to me?
.
Why are they so lucky?
.
Why can’t I have what they have?
.
What’s good in me?
.

Words of comfort are what I’m looking for.
I crave for the pats and the encouragements over and over again.
It’s an addict. It will never be enough.

Tired. I usually cry.
Then I shut down.

–

After few days, I will get back on track. I’ll live my life normally until the next crash comes.

I hate the circle.

Every repetition adds another portion of pain because the unresolved hurt hasn’t lost its ability to do its job which is hurting me, my feeling. It even brings more questions.

Why does this always happen to me?
.
When will I get out of this?
.
Would that really be a light at the end of the tunnel?
.
Why?
.

Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.

So, when I read that human are slow learner on this one,
I read that as

there’s hope.

–

.. in your time.

In his time, in his time
He makes all things beautiful in his time
Lord, please show me everyday
as You’re teaching me your way
and I’ll do just what You say
in your time.

In your time, in your time
You make all things beautiful in your time
Lord, my life to You I bring
May each song I have to sing
Be to You a lovely thing
in your time.

easier sung.. :)

It’s a too short vacation…..
… and everything.

n_n

Bandung, 5 March 2010